Monday, December 12, 2011

Now I Understand

The road is long from Neff Road to Oregon. A road that is about sixty-four years long. No longer the girl who grew up there, it seems when I go back I am still thought of the same way. It's not a bad thing, but we do grow and change over distance.....over time.

I am probably at the most difficult time in my life in many ways. And, it causes me to wonder about my parents and what all they went through. Their children didn't live there. Their grandchildren were seldom seen. We were busy living our lives and really didn't think much about it. Now I wonder why.
My Dad had my same hand degenerative disease. I remember seeing him almost knocked to his knees when he would hit a hand. Now I understand. I remember how Mom would beg me to come and stay. I didn't want to. I was too busy with my life and had basically wanted to get away from that life. Now I understand. When my parents were failing, I didn't drop everything and go to them. Too many miles. Too much money. Too many other things I'd rather do. Now I understand.

I was blessed to be by my father's side when he was passing. I was blessed to be able to serve him. I was honored to help him through it. There was where I belonged. I didn't understand until I wept at his bedside and lifted him in his bed. Someone once said that we should live our lives backwards. Perhaps I am now, because now I understand.

The house back the lane didn't change much during the holidays except for a bit more traffic and the Loxley girls coming home every so often. I wish I had been there every year. Family is a gift, not a given. Family is to be honored, not abused. Family is a manger in a stable and a family around a kitchen table. Every day on Neff Road was Christmas, because Mom and Dad gave their all to anyone who needed them without once saying, "I can't."

Now I understand.

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