Thursday, June 20, 2013

There are not enough days

There are not enough days. There were not enough days for my time in Ohio. There are not enough days with my sister in Angola. There are not enough days.

I stopped by Newcomer's Cemetery and placed my red and white bobber on Dad's grave. I spent a little time talking to them then a little time thinking of the past. I said, "There were not enough days, Mom and Dad." I was home, but yet I wasn't. Things had changed enough that my old life on Neff Road was no more and remembering the past made my heart ache. I could no longer sit on Victor and Doris's porch. I couldn't run down to Stager's to visit for a spell. Yet I could stand on the bridge and look at a house, a farm that was no longer ours. I was missing the past and my place in it.

I told my sister June that home is really where she is now. She carries those memories of farm, of family. She has been my traveling companion from childhood to these senior years we have come to know. On this trip I increased our family by meeting cousins I did not know. Over the years, I have grown to understand the importance of relationships and the time in which we have to share them. My time with my sister is precious. I told Mom and Dad that I wish I could start over again and listen a bit better, love a bit stronger and hold a closer those I hold dear. I do the best I can, but still it is not nearly enough.

"You just think the best of everyone, don't you?" said my sister. Yea, I guess I do. I think the one thing I learned throughout this process of change is that my faith grew bigger. I found that my church was the world I live in and all of the inhabitants there in. The power of God I carry inside needs to meet the God in others. I will not leave a conversation be it with a friend or a store clerk until they have looked me in the eye. A look can say it all. A look of recognition. We all live in these pods across the world yet our world is rather small. I have so much to learn from others and their way of living. I have so much to give by what I have learned. What I learned on the farm showed me the essence of God. What I find is others is the face of God. This I learned on Neff Road. There are not enough days.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about today. Somehow the hands just seem to tap out the words and my brain follows. Coming home is a blessing. There is a peace that must be similar to the migrant bird returning to the nest. The nest is worn and traveler weary, but the fit is just right. Thank you to my cousins, my friends, my family and my readers for making my few days in Ohio a loving experience. I go home with new avenues to explore and a deeper need to return. And....my world a little bigger.

There are not enough days. But seems to me that we best make the time we have time when we look into one another's eyes and find home.

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