Saturday, July 14, 2018

A breaking heart

Today I write with a heavy heart. In fact, my heart is so sad that I fear it might break. How much longer can I write about Neff Road? I am not sure.

I grew up in a red state. I didn't know any better. I just did what my parents did and was told all the reasons it was the best to be a Republican. Throughout my life I questioned what was happening in our country. I questioned my faith wondering why it was so narrow minded, why it did not progress with our awareness of life around us other than what we knew. I questioned why men wrote the Bible and its interpretations. I saw narrow-mindedness all around me and did not know how to cope with it.

Over the decades I allowed myself to stand back and make my own decisions and observations. I knew that the way I was raised was based on a patriarchal attitude. Men had the say. Cowboys brandished guns and took what they wanted. People were shot and no one seemed to care. They just went on to the next scene. I watch old shows and wonder how we could even have tolerated the discrimination. What was wrong with this life I was raised in? It was a great life on the farm, but the scope of life in general was limited. There was no new input because everyone believed the same thing. I was suffocating.

All of the siblings in my family could not wait to escape the narrow bounds of our growing up. We all went to places where we were surrounded by other cultures and ideas. We had neighbors of all colors, all orientations, all religions, all nations. Our view of the world expanded, and we continued to delight in what we could learn. New idea, new awareness, open love and admiration for all took the place of that tiny place we had dwelled for the 18 years of our lives. Our God grew, our opinions about freedom of expression expanded, our views on violence found a place that felt right to each of us. We found that we were more drawn together even though the three of us lived far apart.

My life is rich for the people that have accumulated in it over these many years of living. I have grown and learned what love of humanity really means. So why am I writing this. Remember? Because my heart is broken.

Where were the churches when children were put into pens? Outrage!!! There is no justification. Why are we blocking people from coming to a country that accepted our immigrant forefathers on it shores??? Who do we think we are? I don't get it.We took the very land we live on. What hypocrites! How can we arm everyone in a country that already is the leading country in violence? I just read an article about how violence is increasing rapidly in farm areas? Why can't we be a country of peace? How can we judge people who protest by taking a knee? We are allowed to have a voice. This is a flag that has let people down. It is a flag that represents to many all that is not allowed under that flag. I came from a time when men did not want to join up. Our country made them. We did not want war. Now war is a real money maker for our economy. Why are we so egotistical that we think everyone is treated like white, anglo us? Now we have a man who gropes women, who has no idea what it means to be honorable and kind, who listens to only one news media because all the others do not feed his ego. Truth is in hearing it from all areas. When we turn off our news sources, we become a nation of one, and he is really working on it. We are moving backwards. We are losing all of the protections that have served our people and our land well. I am heart broken.

We turn away people who live in fear, who are raped, whose lives are always threatened. Why? Because one man says they are all criminals and will take away jobs. These people are why our country is great. They are the backbone of our country. Our economy is better with these people in our lives. People of color have suffered terribly in this land that welcomes all to its shores. We should be beginning them for forgiveness and see if they want to accept us.

Hitler convinced a society that they were the best. Books were burned. People were slaughtered and placed in cages, so to speak. A man determined what the public could hear. He convinced a nation into his illusions that they did unspeakable acts and caused a war that killed so thousands of our own. Yet here is a man who is doing exactly the same. He makes his own laws, he dictates what press he relies on calling all other liars, he makes people look one way while he sells them down the river the other direction. And......people are easily lead.

My heart breaks when I read what some people post. I wonder at the ignorance of it or the lack of caring for other people. I am crushed that churches do not stand against such vulgarity and do not stand up for all human rights. I am stunned that people do not believe in global warming because that and gun control just might upset their own narrow world. If you say it isn't happening, then it isn't true. Read only what will feed your beliefs, and it will be fact. Well, that's a crock.

I am sad. Why should I write? Entertainment? Is that all we think about now. Put all other thoughts of this declining country aside? So many people have said to me, I just can't think about it. Well, we have to think about it. We will not be another nation ruled by a dictator. We have to take a stand. I cannot preach to closed ears. I cannot preach to blue or red states.  The sadness I feel in my heart is that of losing someone I love. I am losing a community and a country. I can try to save that community, but they will not turn from what has always been.

So......do I keep writing?

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